It wasn't until about halfway through the speaker's sermon that I came to a place where I felt comfortable with what was going on and found myself agreeing with what he was saying. He started (of course) addressing the Spiritual Gifts, and said something that astounded me, coming from a Pentecostal--he said that people receive the gifts of the Spirit as they need them. That was the greatest thing I could have heard in that moment. By now you should understand why that was important for me to hear. Over the last year at North Central I have been saturated in a community of people that emphasizes the gift of speaking in tongues more than any other spiritual gift. There are people in my school that believe if a person doesn't speak in tongues, they are not filled with the Holy Spirit, since the fundamental truth of the AG (Assemblies of God) is that speaking in tongues is the initial physical evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I understand that there is difference between these people's beliefs and that of the actual doctrine. Not all AG people are that gung-ho, but numerous times I have heard people say that if a person doesn't speak in tongues, there really isn't any "proof" that that person has received the Holy Spirit. This bothered me, because I don't have the gift of tongues, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Spirit lives in me. I hear his voice every single day, and I am also certain that I have some of the other Spiritual Gifts, for example: Faith and Discernment. It wasn't until I started hanging around AG people that I felt my faith was questioned. So, hearing a Pentecostal say that a person receives the spiritual gifts as they need them was refreshing to my ears. I started to relax, but then the sermon took a turn.
As the speaker began to close, he once again began speaking about the Spiritual Gifts, but this time there was an emphasis: tongues. He began to explain that in order to make tongues work, a person must first begin to make syllables and sounds. He said that he wanted everyone in the room to start speaking in tongues right then and there. Wait. Hold on. So not only was he putting one of G-D's gifts in a box by "teaching" us how to do it, but he also contradicted what he said earlier about people receiving the gifts when they need them; he said it himself--he wanted everyone AT THAT moment to speak in tongues. At this, I turned to my friend and said, "I think that's my cue", and I stood up and walked out. I was beat up, bitter, and confused. It seemed so hypocritical! After the service was over, I tried battling the confusion out of me by talking with my friends, but none of their words brought consolation. It wasn't until an hour ago, when I brought this up to my grandfather, that I found peace.
We talked for awhile and hit many points, but what my grandfather left me with were two final thoughts. The first was this: like receiving faith and accepting Jesus in the first place, it is not something that should be rushed or forced. It will only come when the person is ready, when they come to that breaking point where they sincerely say out of their humility and brokenness, "G-D, here I am, use me". The second: actively seek the Gifts of the Holy Spirit. All of the Spiritual Gifts are available to every single person, but a person will never accept a gift they don't want. I believe this is part of my problem; the reason I haven't received the gift of tongues is because I don't want it. G-D won't give me something I won't use. It is because I have had a problem with tongues that I haven't received them. It should be our desire to pursue everything G-D has in store for us. I pray that G-D will help me break down walls and accept the things I don't understand fully, like tongues, or healing.
To me, this was such a beautiful conclusion, absolutely liberating. Sometimes all it takes to make sense out of chaos is to talk with someone who is wiser and older than you, someone who has had their own battles of faith with the same issues, and that is what I have with my grandfather. I now will no longer feel like a weak tree cracking in the wind when the topic of tongues is brought up. I know where I stand. Thank you, Grandpa.
I need a tape recorder.
